Facing your fears

"Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will"

Everyone possesses some kind of fear whether that be heights or gaining weight. It's normal to have those feelings of anxiety and being scared. I'll let you guys on a little secret of mine, my fear is failure. I have an extreme pressure on my self to be "great" to be unlike any others and to be something more. Of course I need to let go of this pressure put on myself but how can I? I recently got an environmental internship however it was unpaid so I felt no need to celebrate. I laid in my bed disappointed in myself but the other part of me said why are you disappointed you beat out almost 1,000 applicants? Many fears loom over people but we are the only ones that can fully let go of it. I went rock climbing this weekend and I sent pictures to my parents.

My mom quickly replied "You weren't scared of getting hurt or falling?"

I thought for a bit I was never scared I was always scared of giving up and not making it to the top.

"No, I wasn't scared the rope was there so I wouldn't fall." I texted back.

So, although I can have trust in my fears based on a rope holding me why can't I have trust in myself that I am enough?

In recent times I have looked over what my life would be and if I would exceed in my expectations. However, every time I pass an expectation of mine although I should be happy. I am not excited or amazed that I have made it. I think I understand why now...we do not see the entire picture which makes it seem less grand. I never knew of my parents less famous jobs because they never talked about them. My dad was a former DEA agent moved to El Salvador to work on the drug deals there. It seem like a movie every time he talked about his experience and I wonder why couldn't I be like that after I graduated college. However, he did not tell me the entire story where he was working for a half-way home in Denver once out of college then as an insurance investigator. Everything, may seem perfect and glorious when someone is explaining to you their life but of course the unsightly less glamorous parts will always be left out. I now know that everyone's life is not as perfect as it seems and that this "fear" I have can not be justified anymore. We have to let go of our baggage of "not feeling like enough", "failure", "being alone", "being judged", "getting older", etc. This energy that we methodically analyze every day about our self's drains us. Think of how wonderful and spontaneous you will be when letting go. A rush of relief will shower over you like the ocean waters hitting you just enough to make you feel adventurous and free.